3.25.2009

[take these chains from my heart.]

i spent part of my afternoon talking with an old friend about some things happening in their life.. things that left my head spinning, my heart heavy, and my mind wandering. i'm sad that sometimes, even when we predict the destruction that could happen in the future, the potential havoc and devastation that could leave our lives in shambles, we'd rather our heart be ripped out in the end than do anything to save ourself from the impending emotional meltdown. the reason for this, i think, is that we'd rather bet on the hope that we can do something to change the future. it's our nature.. the nature of love.

unfortunately, you can't change someone's mind when their mind's made up.. and, even if you could, would you really want to? would you want someone to stay where they don't want to be, to rob them of what they love and desire, or to stifle their own happiness just to have them stay and be by your side? you may think so, i know i've thought so before. you may believe that you're not only serving your own purpose but that you know best and they might actually be happiest that way...

but they wouldn't.

you have to let them go and live that life.. live those dreams- the ones that make them who they are- so they never have to wonder "what might've been" and if "what might've been" is what they really want.

i've been on both sides of this fence. i was the one who had to go and live the "what might've been". i found the place my heart could rest and the terrifying decision i made, the one that broke not only my heart but many others, was the right one in the end. i know that now.

i'm also the one who has to let go. i'm constantly letting go. if i made him stay, i may as well take his soul from him, the very nature of who he is... he wouldn't be living anyway. every time he leaves he takes my heart along with him.. and every time he comes back i'm thankful i don't have to live my life without him for a little while. it's a sacrifice and a reward all in one.

if i knew then that my heart would break so many times in this life i chose i would've done it again and again.. because, like so many others, i'm betting on the hope that i can change the future.

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