[diet orange soda..]

so i was at the godiva store yesterday.. and there was this dude working there, we'll call him darnell. he was tall and had a mini afro (at least in my memory, he did. i can't be certain that he did in real life) and he was one of those smooth guys... let me rephrase that.. he was one of those guys that THINKS he's smooth (think the ladies man from SNL). yeah, so darnell was standing on the opposite side of the store that i entered on and i saw him right away with his godiva apron on. i was talking on my cell phone when i walked in and i was all business. i knew what i was looking for (dark chocolate) and i knew i wanted it in one of those pretty godiva boxes (christmas present). so i was talking on my phone, all the while looking at various boxes, one of which was a $30 box of assorted dark chocolates. while i was looking at this particular box, darnell greeted me: one of those standard, "can i help you with anything?" greetings, so i didn't think much of it. and i didn't think much of the box of chocolate either.. i thought that $30 was a little unreasonable and didn't particularly like the purple box it was in (again, it was purple in my memory. for all i know it could really have been red but, either way, it was ugly) so i moved along looking at a couple more assortments until i came upon the ones in the pretty gold godiva boxes. dark chocolate truffles, gold box with a bow, $15... perfect. now, keep in mind that darnell has been eyeballing me the whole time i've been walking around... and from what i could tell he was giving me sort of a disgusted look. for what reason, i have no idea, but the look was only the beginning.

i took my little gold godiva box up to the counter to check out, laid it on the countertop in plain sight and stood at the register for about a minute- still talking on the phone- before i realized that no one was waiting on me. and it wasn't that they were busy because the blonde girl working with darnell had just walked away from the counter to straighten things and darnell was still standing there, about 10 feet from me, pretending i wasn't there. it was then that it dawned on me- darnell did not like the fact that i was on the phone. i have no idea why it pissed him off so much or why this particular thought even crossed my mind but i still believe it to be true. i considered ending my call for about half a second but was even more determined to keep talking, just to piss this guy off.

i took out my wallet, you know, giving the universal "i'm ready to pay" signal and, finally, darnell sauntered over. as he stepped behind the register, he picked up a box of chocolates, not MY box, and said "these?"... i held the phone away from my mouth and said, "no, those", pointing to the box that i had chosen and that was laying directly in front of me. when i looked more closely at the box HE was holding up, i realized that it was the fancy (ugly) $30 box that i had discarded when i first entered the store and where darnell had greeted me. then darnell smartly (and loudly) retorted, "OH, you CHANGED your mind, then?!" he was upset. it was apparent and i was appalled. i said, "NO, i was never going to get those!" and then put the phone back to my mouth with a look of triumph. darnell was not pleased. his nostrils flared a little as he picked up my modest box and began to ring it up. before he could even tell me how much it was, i handed over my credit card. he did something interesting here, though. instead of asking for my ID, which i thought would have been a nice way to punish me for whatever offense i committed to make darnell HATE me so much, he simply said, "last name?" so i said my last name and began to spell it, not really sure why he was asking but trying to be as helpful as possible and somehow make ammends for whatever weirdness was passing between us, but before i could get the spelling out he literally raised his voice with, "GOT IT." again, i was shocked. he cut me off. he had asked me a question, and when i answered it, he yelled at me.

i was so confused.

yet i would NOT, under ANY circumstances, get OFF the phone.

finally, he finished ringing me up. i thought it would never end. but here's where it gets tricky. he had my godiva bag looped around two fingers, his ring finger and pinky, and had my receipt between his thumb and forefinger. when he reached out to hand me my receipt, i went in for both the receipt and the bag. BUT HE DIDN'T LET GO OF THE BAG. he let me take the reciept but clutched the bag. when i looked at him, there was confusion in my face. he opened his hand flat and held it out, motioning for MY hand... so i held it out, not knowing what else to do. then, he grabbed my hand, pressed it firmly and said, "it was a PLEASURE serving you" and gave me a look so filled with hate i almost shit my pants.

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